44/?? - Undoing the Knot of Free Will

The call is coming from inside the house.

Tarot Card of the Day: The King of Coins

I feel off and a bit irritable today although I am starting to feel slightly better as the day goes by. It is 11:08am currently. I went to an appointment with my natural path dr. and she preformed manual therapy on my back. It is like a massage but different in approach and intention. It does help me as I tend to carry so much stress in my back. I need to learn about knots as Alejandro Jodorowsky prescribed in the tarot / psychomagic reading he gave me. I need to learn to tie knots. I end up in more of a tangled knotted state as opposed to having an awareness and intention of how the knot is being formed. Learning there is a process to untying the knots is also a practice I would like to be intentional about. I keep trying to resolve the unresolvable in my brain. This just makes things worse and makes the knots tighter and last longer. I am unintentionally working against myself in this way. Turns out some knots are best handled through manual therapy and stretching. I want this focus of learning knots to become an intentional effort for me in the coming weeks and months. I am already on it in that I think I have most of the pieces on the table. I just need to pay attention to how I can put them together in a way that works for me now. I need a routine to flow with. This is an adjustment of focus.

Adjusting focus in part what I mean by owning my perception. I sometimes wonder if that all power really is at its core is focus adjustment. One of my foundational views of reality is represented in this statement: All life grows and behaves according to the environment. Our focus is a way of creating an environment. It is brings awareness to whatever we are looking at. That awareness begins to interact with the operating system of our mind. And from there our actions flow.

There is a line of thought out there that says our actions begin to happen even before we consciously choose to act. This makes sense to me. Although the idea of learning to control one’s focus is a game changer for me when it comes to the idea of free will. At this point I want to lean into saying there is no “free will”. I say this for two reasons. One, as I just mentioned, our actions begin before we realize it. Two, our will is interdependent on the wills that are around us. My will is not an isolated power that is unaffected by the wills around it. So my will reacts to the wills in its current, past and perceived future environments. A reaction is not a choice. Reactions are more akin to a forced dance.

However, I do at this point think we can develop the ability to have influential wills. What do I mean by influential will? As I grow my awareness I am creating a new environment that will affect the way I react to the wills around me. And ultimately if I am able to bring conscious intention to my ability to focus I am now beginning to curate the internal environment of my will. This then causes a ripple effect to my reactive body and it begins to react according to an environment that I have “chosen” / developed over time. Thus the focused curated will becomes a force of influence on my will and the wills around me. The influential will can be joined by other influential wills to become a collaborative will. The collaborative will is the calibrated joining of multiple individuals intentionally focused and curated influential wills.

To bring this back around the only place that we need to be concerned about developing our power is around our ability to adjust and calibrate our focus. This is the place from which all of our reactive action flows.

One essential part of focus is realizing the structure of our focus. What is our focus looking for? Why is our focus looking for this? What is our focus willing to do to get it? What is our focus forfeiting on? Why is our focus forfeiting?

As I write this I am realizing I may have taken all of this too far. I am ok with that as I think it may not be about the thought I was trying to work out. It may instead be about the view I created by taking a thought too far.

For instance I stated “ the only place that we need to be concerned about developing our power is around our ability to adjust and calibrate our focus.”, I am not sure about this other than I do realize that when I use words like only or all I am assuredly eliminating other legitimate paths that I may or may not be aware of. This is a problem and a sign that I have come full circle from an attempt to liberate back to an effort to contain.

So I relent on this view and stop to take a look around. What thoughts opened up because I was willing to take a thought too far. In this particular case I look around and notice that I now feel less pressure on myself to change my actions. I now see that it is not my actions fault. If I do have fault at all it is in my underdeveloped ability to calibrate and curate my focus. I have been really hard on my body throughout most of my life as it carries so much stress that is not actually mine.

Developing my ability to focus my perception is something that will allow my body to get a better return on my efforts. If I focus on what I have the most ability to influence, I can set my body up to be a more stable environment for navigating my focus. My body will always be reactive. It reacts to the environment. My ability to adjust my focus is my ability to create an environment that my body will react in more sustainable and effective ways.

Again, I may be going to far, and that is ok. Better than that, it is ideal. It is ideal as long as I have the ability to release my focus from having to prove my thought at any and all costs. The benefit is when I let go of the idea and look around. They view is incredible and there are so many other directions to begin to explore. Not to mention the pathways here are getting brighter. We are showing each other the way. Keep going. Don’t be afraid of getting lost. We are in an orbit and will inevitably be coming back around. And when we do come back around let’s take the time to notice. As my instagram bio states: Life is repetition. Notice the part that is the same to see who you have been. Notice the iteration to see who you are becoming.